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per_soloInsomnia rears its ugly head again. Will just go lie down and try to sleep.
Brain is working overtime...Trying to decide why it's so damned hard to make decisions...
Comics to sell...jobs to take or try for...was told today that the IT market is kinda dry here, so that begs the question, what should one do?
Also begs the question to pose to the LJ world...what would it take for you to leave the area you're in? I'm not making such plans, but upon watching SFU tonite, it struck that question. What would it take for you to uproot your life, and move somewhere else? Not that that solves problems you have...you're merely, in most cases, exchanging one set for another.
Very few people I know, know what they are doing, or what they should be doing. The great mysteries of life...what should I do? Where should I be? At what point do you give up on the "Well, by this age, I should have been here?" All that age old crap that was spoon fed into you in school...College, Good Job, Wife, Kids, House...all of it. And the sage advice given me, when I was 20 something, that at 40 something, many people didn't really know what they should have been doing.
All the dreams of childhood, exchanged for the realities of survival. What do we do to survive? And what little "niceties" do we have to make the drudgery less?
We either create illusions of who we are, what we are good at, or we just shrug, and then say that we are taking life one day at a time...I used to believe that was the easiest plan. No planning for the future, as you can't plan for something that can change at the drop of a hat, the wreck of a car, the way that friends come in and out of your life. In the last few years, I've gotten away from the majority of that train wreck of thought. And really do feel better for planning for the future, to some degree...
Yes, part of this is the recent storyline of Something Positive...some of it is the thoughts that always follow me around, wherever I go,whatever I do. And, yes, some of it is job, but strangely, not a lot of it. I look at my life, and the people around me, who are some of the best people I've known in my life. People I really couldn't have conceived of having years ago. My family has gotten me through a lot, but you have to leave home at some point...and the adage that you can never go home is true, to a certain extent. You always have family (at least if you had mine...who most of my friends wanted to be adopted by, growing up).
The little boy who was always scared that he never had friends is gone...I look around, and am amazed at the people I've gathered to me, or in some cases, that I've latched onto. I've always tried to be there for my friends, to give as much as I feel I always take in the bad spots, and always feel that karmically, I owe much more than I can ever make up, and therefore, try to be there for people in need even more. I'm not quite sure if all the events in the last 11 years made me the hyper-helper that I want to be...the "need" to give so much more back to everyone, or if I've always had that to a degree, and just never knew how much I needed it to fulfill myself. And with it comes the "I'm not worthy of the people I have...I'm just me, no more special than the next guy", but with that comes the realization that I AM just as special as the next guy (or gal).
And part goes to the question that people always ask that annoys the piss out of me more than most..."If you could go back and change anything, what would you change?", and most feel it a cop out when I say I wouldn't change a damn thing. Years ago? Sure...do I like everything I've done, or that has happened to or around me? HELL no. But without those, I wouldn't be who I am...flaws and all, insane courage and all, insane lows and all. I am, by heredity and environment, a good person, who has many of the flaws that all of us have. And even a tendency to talk too much. :-)
Now, if I can just channel this odd ability to remember trivial movie/tv/music knowledge into other areas, I'd have a damn close to eidetic memory...which would be real helpful. But, I don't. Follows a favorite quote from a book..."But to dwell unnecessarily on that loss was to give the past too much power over the present". That likely isn't the exact quote, now that I think of it, but pretty sage advice...if anyone can name the book (or hell, even the author), you get a nice virtual cookie..think of it as the equivalent of an electronic "no-prize".
Anyways, those are the thoughts going through my head at almost 2:00 in the morning, right before I try to go to bed again. Hope it's not TOO angsty.
And we'll end with a quote that I think a few people I know should hear...I know I liked it.
"You can't take a picture of this, it's already gone" - Nathaniel Samuel Fisher, Jr.
Brain is working overtime...Trying to decide why it's so damned hard to make decisions...
Comics to sell...jobs to take or try for...was told today that the IT market is kinda dry here, so that begs the question, what should one do?
Also begs the question to pose to the LJ world...what would it take for you to leave the area you're in? I'm not making such plans, but upon watching SFU tonite, it struck that question. What would it take for you to uproot your life, and move somewhere else? Not that that solves problems you have...you're merely, in most cases, exchanging one set for another.
Very few people I know, know what they are doing, or what they should be doing. The great mysteries of life...what should I do? Where should I be? At what point do you give up on the "Well, by this age, I should have been here?" All that age old crap that was spoon fed into you in school...College, Good Job, Wife, Kids, House...all of it. And the sage advice given me, when I was 20 something, that at 40 something, many people didn't really know what they should have been doing.
All the dreams of childhood, exchanged for the realities of survival. What do we do to survive? And what little "niceties" do we have to make the drudgery less?
We either create illusions of who we are, what we are good at, or we just shrug, and then say that we are taking life one day at a time...I used to believe that was the easiest plan. No planning for the future, as you can't plan for something that can change at the drop of a hat, the wreck of a car, the way that friends come in and out of your life. In the last few years, I've gotten away from the majority of that train wreck of thought. And really do feel better for planning for the future, to some degree...
Yes, part of this is the recent storyline of Something Positive...some of it is the thoughts that always follow me around, wherever I go,whatever I do. And, yes, some of it is job, but strangely, not a lot of it. I look at my life, and the people around me, who are some of the best people I've known in my life. People I really couldn't have conceived of having years ago. My family has gotten me through a lot, but you have to leave home at some point...and the adage that you can never go home is true, to a certain extent. You always have family (at least if you had mine...who most of my friends wanted to be adopted by, growing up).
The little boy who was always scared that he never had friends is gone...I look around, and am amazed at the people I've gathered to me, or in some cases, that I've latched onto. I've always tried to be there for my friends, to give as much as I feel I always take in the bad spots, and always feel that karmically, I owe much more than I can ever make up, and therefore, try to be there for people in need even more. I'm not quite sure if all the events in the last 11 years made me the hyper-helper that I want to be...the "need" to give so much more back to everyone, or if I've always had that to a degree, and just never knew how much I needed it to fulfill myself. And with it comes the "I'm not worthy of the people I have...I'm just me, no more special than the next guy", but with that comes the realization that I AM just as special as the next guy (or gal).
And part goes to the question that people always ask that annoys the piss out of me more than most..."If you could go back and change anything, what would you change?", and most feel it a cop out when I say I wouldn't change a damn thing. Years ago? Sure...do I like everything I've done, or that has happened to or around me? HELL no. But without those, I wouldn't be who I am...flaws and all, insane courage and all, insane lows and all. I am, by heredity and environment, a good person, who has many of the flaws that all of us have. And even a tendency to talk too much. :-)
Now, if I can just channel this odd ability to remember trivial movie/tv/music knowledge into other areas, I'd have a damn close to eidetic memory...which would be real helpful. But, I don't. Follows a favorite quote from a book..."But to dwell unnecessarily on that loss was to give the past too much power over the present". That likely isn't the exact quote, now that I think of it, but pretty sage advice...if anyone can name the book (or hell, even the author), you get a nice virtual cookie..think of it as the equivalent of an electronic "no-prize".
Anyways, those are the thoughts going through my head at almost 2:00 in the morning, right before I try to go to bed again. Hope it's not TOO angsty.
And we'll end with a quote that I think a few people I know should hear...I know I liked it.
"You can't take a picture of this, it's already gone" - Nathaniel Samuel Fisher, Jr.
And...
Date: 2005-08-25 05:03 am (UTC)SR
Re: And...
Date: 2005-08-25 05:34 am (UTC)Took me a while to decipher SR into who I thought it was.
Re: And...
Date: 2005-08-26 07:01 am (UTC)Luke Pg. 123 Chapter 11 Star Wars "Heir to the Empire" Hmmm.... former InCon
Guest well that narrows it down to about 30 or so and I have only read works by about ½ of them ; a guess Orson Scott Card: if not I give :-)
SR