Lunch Thoughts...

[per_solo]

Got into a conversation at lunch that has had me thinking today...and I'm not quite sure what i think or how.

The discussion turned to those people (and every group has at least one, if not several) who seem to not be happy with their life unless it is in chaos..upheaval. That they truly don't know what to do, unless things are miserable for them.

You know, the same people who, when you try to help them, they get all pissy...sabotage themselves and all that. I've sabotaged myself before...trust me, I speak from a little experience, but I mean the people who are just all out MISERABLE, no matter what state their lives are in...they can see the dark lining to every cloud...nothing will ever go right for them, because for whatever reason, they don't deserve it.

How do people get to this point?

I've suffered minor depressions...and no, I'm not likely to ever see them as such at the time they happen...but, the thought of constantly living my life as if it were a horrid mess, just waiting to continue happening to mess me up even more...I can't conceive of that...

Yeah, the job thing is depressing...but, that depression isn't hindering me (much...earlier, yeah..but now? Eh, I get the vacation I never truly allowed myself to take while at ABG), but, I can't think of constantly bemoaning it. It sucks, I'm trying to fix it, move along.

But, you all have friends who just thrive on the misery their lives are...almost like Munchausen's disease (Not to be confused with Munchausen by Proxy)...and I just have to ask...why? How do you deal with them?

Today's Deep Thoughts brought to you by - Diet Coke Splenda...when you can't stop drinking Pop, Try DCS. :-)

Comments

[echoweaver.livejournal.com]

Well, hmmmm. I have been in short-term depressions. We both have. I do know that a symptom of some kinds of chronic depression is the belief that your are bad, your life is bad, and nothing will ever change. Studentbane was like that for all of college before he decided to get help (and remember he was in college for 10 years... PhDs are like that :-P). Now he says that the realization that he could have a positive impact on the state of his life was one of the most powerful he experienced, and he is determinedly optimistic in almost all situations.

Now, there are also some people who truly seem, "not to be happy unless their life is a mess," as in they seem to get some kind of validation, if not actual happiness, from being unhappy. I don't know if this is a separate category from chronic depression or not, since I really don't understand depression (not even the depression I've experienced). I know I have encountered people who I don't THINK are depressed who love to bitch about their lives and either refuse to take any kind of action to improve it or sabotage their own efforts. Some people like that seem to crave the impact that behavior has on others -- the sympathy, attention, and special treatment they get b/c everyone acknowledges their fucked up state. But I'm not convinced that this might not be a different symptom of the same thing.

I think it all comes down to accepting A) that you actually want to be happy, and B) that you have control over the state of your life, even if you aren't the only factor that affects your life. But that's easy to say and not always easy to do.

As for how I deal with them, I do think you have to get some emotional protection. No matter what you consider the source of someone else's pain, you can't absorb it all into yourself. You can't keep banging your head against the brick wall of trying to help. You sort of have to accept what that person has to give, and to give what you're comfortable giving. If the person wants to change, he'll have to make that decision on his own. If it's someone you're close to, it's probably worth trying to talk to him/her about it once. But, like romance, you usually can't convince someone they're making the wrong decision unless they've already decided that for themselves. And, sometimes you're wrong :).

Long meandering pondering of your Deep Thoughts....

[confusedjew.livejournal.com]

don't let their depression affect you. at some point though there is the conversation of 'you just want to be miserable' but you need to be really close to them for that to happen.

since i've been that person, sometimes it just doesn't happen.