(no subject)

[per_solo]

Went to party...was fun, got to hang out, borrowed Batman Begins...will watch that at some point.

Brain is feeling rough...almost like it's been sandpapered. Every little thing is bothering me, threatening to send me to the roof, but I'm trying to focus on the fact that it's partly me overreacting to the chaos that seems to be my life right now.

It'll get better...things always do. But transition times are some of the suckiest, and this promises to be a transitional year. Hell, at this point, I don't dare make any predictions, as I'm sure if I were to look at this in a year or so, I'd see just how wrong I was, or just how dark a place I'm seeing myself in and all that.

As always, friends and family are keeping my feet secured on the ground...therefore, when I stretch to the roof, I do have that support mechanism to help keep me grounded. I lose sight of it...especially in times of friend transition.

Someone recently told me that we only tend to have friends for about three years before recycling...and, looking at the people I've counted as friends years ago, I see that as true. Doesn't make it easier when you lose friends, and that's part of what makes me think I wouldn't be good in psychology...I don't know that I can distance myself that well..but, even friends can transition to acquantances...people that you recall what you once had in common, even if you don't anymore.

And yes, part of this came up at the party in talking about people in general...so, amidst the transitions I'm already going through, I get to keep re-thinking, and in some cases, re-living various things.

Oh, to release guilt and the problems that I have caused myself. No, I'm not holding myself to a rack, just yet, nor am I, as in the Ref, tempted to buy myself a cross to nail myself to. I'm just pondering where I am and where I should be.

I no longer feel the appeal of "The High School Dream"...it comes up to me, once in a while, and shakes it's ass, saying "See? This is what everyone else has...why don't you? Big House, Kids in the Yard...companions for your niece and nephew...doesn't that look good?".

The trick is that it does, but at the same time, doesn't. I read a statistic about marriage and age 30+, and, well, the statistics ain't good.

But then, I'm living the bachelor's heaven...no one to really answer to, no big house payment, no kids medical bills or such. And, I realize I'm pretty happy with that. And if I'd had all that, at any point, I wouldn't be who I am..and as many flaws/problems as I see, I REALLY like who I am, flaws and all. Human? Most likely...flawed? Hell Yes. Attempting to make life better? Again, hell yes. :-)

So, not much of an update...not meant to be angsty, or dark, but merely a light on..one that says "Occupied", as my life is. :-P

Comments

[mooncat75.livejournal.com]

I'm living the bachelor's heaven...no one to really answer to, no big house payment, no kids medical bills or such. And, I realize I'm pretty happy with that.

I'm with you there...I, too, have come to that realization.

[confusedjew.livejournal.com]

as for the friend thing it just depends on the kind of friendship.

philip and becca have been my best friends for years, since around kindergarten/first grade.


then there are friends i don't even speak too anymore. some because of fights, some just because of distance. i guess what i'm saying is, it just all depends.


as for high school dreams...there's a reason there's high school in front of them. people change and their dreams change with them, as they should.

ok, i'll stop babbling. off to sleep.

[katmandu07.livejournal.com]

There are also people who are your friends, who are still close, but you don't see them as much anymore due to real life, but they are still very close friends. I mean, we don't see each other very much anymore, but I consider you a close friend...same with Susan and some others.

[kathawkes.livejournal.com]

It depends on how you define friends. Close friends will last much longer, due to the fact you usually know far to much about each other to not be friends anymore. You may grow apart but (unless ulgy fight involved)it will take a while to happen. Just my opinion.