Fun day...
Oct. 18th, 2004 04:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
per_soloI've come to the conclusion that I MAY be married, eventually...but not for a long time. IF I do get married, eventually, it'll be someone I can trust 100%...
As crazy, or moral-less as I've ever seemed in my life, I actually have a lot of respect for marriage...2 people willing to live their life, side by side, through all good problems and bad...a friend who you can trust (I hope I can have that strong a marriage, if I ever get married)...and no matter what marriages I've seen, I've always believed that, even in the worst problems, the people still loved each other, else they wouldn't have gotten involved in the first place. J&D are a great example....fortunately, as neither of them reads this. D ended up trying to pull me in to use as a wedge against Jase...and Jase had been my friend for a LONG time (early childhood), and I considered them both friends...in the end, all 3 of us scattered to the winds...I've not heard from either of them really since...
I've had op to be married a few times...and each time, it's been proven for the better that it was best that didn't happen...one reason or another. I've been accused of over-analyzing, and yet when I don't analyze things, I get hurt. Maybe I'm good, maybe I'm bad...welcome to Human Race, 101. The most any of us can do is the best that we can, in relation to our hopes, dreams, and morals. If we happen to find love at the time, then our lives are significantly improved...and that's any kind of love...I've got MANY friends, most of whom I would do anything I could to help them...and I've got several that feel the same towards me. I've got a few that can tell when I'm sliding toward a dark, depressive jag, and they manage to pull me out of it.
Now, to beat the warning signs that I'm depressing...well, one of them I can't beat..I bought myself something nice that I wanted...sure sign of being not comfortable in one's skin..bought "Thunderball", but at least that means I now own ALL the bond films...just have to make sure I don't go out and buy anything else..it's NICE having a savings account for once...means I can afford to live in my Apt. for a while longer...means if something happens to my car, then my life is ok...I don't have to go into the hole, or borrow money from my parents, like the last time something happened to my car. In short, it helps me feel like an actual adult, as opposed to someone who is living out of their parents house, but on an allowance..sure, that allowance may be once a year, but the price..*whew*
Of course, none of that fixes the fact that I'm mentally drained at the moment...Work and Personal...which means I'll be lucky not to fall asleep as soon as I get home...Have to force myself to stay awake at least until 9:00 or so..then sleep til morning. Wonder if I have anything I can read...
As crazy, or moral-less as I've ever seemed in my life, I actually have a lot of respect for marriage...2 people willing to live their life, side by side, through all good problems and bad...a friend who you can trust (I hope I can have that strong a marriage, if I ever get married)...and no matter what marriages I've seen, I've always believed that, even in the worst problems, the people still loved each other, else they wouldn't have gotten involved in the first place. J&D are a great example....fortunately, as neither of them reads this. D ended up trying to pull me in to use as a wedge against Jase...and Jase had been my friend for a LONG time (early childhood), and I considered them both friends...in the end, all 3 of us scattered to the winds...I've not heard from either of them really since...
I've had op to be married a few times...and each time, it's been proven for the better that it was best that didn't happen...one reason or another. I've been accused of over-analyzing, and yet when I don't analyze things, I get hurt. Maybe I'm good, maybe I'm bad...welcome to Human Race, 101. The most any of us can do is the best that we can, in relation to our hopes, dreams, and morals. If we happen to find love at the time, then our lives are significantly improved...and that's any kind of love...I've got MANY friends, most of whom I would do anything I could to help them...and I've got several that feel the same towards me. I've got a few that can tell when I'm sliding toward a dark, depressive jag, and they manage to pull me out of it.
Now, to beat the warning signs that I'm depressing...well, one of them I can't beat..I bought myself something nice that I wanted...sure sign of being not comfortable in one's skin..bought "Thunderball", but at least that means I now own ALL the bond films...just have to make sure I don't go out and buy anything else..it's NICE having a savings account for once...means I can afford to live in my Apt. for a while longer...means if something happens to my car, then my life is ok...I don't have to go into the hole, or borrow money from my parents, like the last time something happened to my car. In short, it helps me feel like an actual adult, as opposed to someone who is living out of their parents house, but on an allowance..sure, that allowance may be once a year, but the price..*whew*
Of course, none of that fixes the fact that I'm mentally drained at the moment...Work and Personal...which means I'll be lucky not to fall asleep as soon as I get home...Have to force myself to stay awake at least until 9:00 or so..then sleep til morning. Wonder if I have anything I can read...
