(no subject)
Nov. 20th, 2007 12:38 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
per_solo*sigh*
No matter what I say, no matter what I do, there are still things that can drive me to near rage at just how ridiculously petty and manipulative we, as human beings, can be.
I play off that I'm much more zen than that. Because, really, there is a small number of things I can affect for the better, a small number of people I can help. The majority, however, won't be helped. It's just how people tend to be. They usually can only be helped in the "Well, what can you do for ME?" way.
Convenience..when ultimately, human relationships/friendships/connections are anything but.
That irritates me. Especially as I know I've been there before. We all make mistakes, and always will, and usually all it takes to really hose us is someone we let get "in" to the core of our being. After that, all bets are off. Maybe Gaiman was right, with "Desire", as Desire can mean a lot more than just a physical/romantic longing..
There are three people in the world I cannot forgive, or maybe it's that I can "forgive", but not "forget". I can hope the best for them, but forgiving/forgetting requires an amount of faith that they will not get into my life and fuck me (or those I care for) over again. For many, that faith isn't a big deal..I've very much, in the past, been of the "Ok, everyone can improve and be better than they are, and ultimately be who they believe they can be", very much a pollyanna-ish approach to how people SHOULD and COULD be, without a whole lot of paying attention to how they actually are.
So, that means in the past I've been a lot more of a trusting fool than I should be.
And, damnit, not all of that fool is gone. I wish him to be on some days, but he keeps popping up, when I least expect, just a cheerful little smile and an optimistic comment. *sigh* And then, something pops up to remind me, or point out how he is wrong. But, there are days where he is actually fairly accurate in his assesment.
We, as people, are some of the most self-centered, and vain creatures, ever. But, where do we go from optimistically believing in people, to making sure that those who have burned us don't get the opportunity again? Where is the division between believing that anyone can overcome who they used to be (because really, it CAN happen..it just takes extraordinary circumstance), and not seeing things that aren't there?
Self-delusion is powerful tool as well. Which, of course, just makes me think of the "Rationalizations are more important than sex" line from "The Big Chill".
I have no answers to this, if I did, I get the feeling I'd be rolling in the big money. Instead, I'm here when I should be sleeping, trying to ponder imponderables.
No matter what I say, no matter what I do, there are still things that can drive me to near rage at just how ridiculously petty and manipulative we, as human beings, can be.
I play off that I'm much more zen than that. Because, really, there is a small number of things I can affect for the better, a small number of people I can help. The majority, however, won't be helped. It's just how people tend to be. They usually can only be helped in the "Well, what can you do for ME?" way.
Convenience..when ultimately, human relationships/friendships/connections are anything but.
That irritates me. Especially as I know I've been there before. We all make mistakes, and always will, and usually all it takes to really hose us is someone we let get "in" to the core of our being. After that, all bets are off. Maybe Gaiman was right, with "Desire", as Desire can mean a lot more than just a physical/romantic longing..
There are three people in the world I cannot forgive, or maybe it's that I can "forgive", but not "forget". I can hope the best for them, but forgiving/forgetting requires an amount of faith that they will not get into my life and fuck me (or those I care for) over again. For many, that faith isn't a big deal..I've very much, in the past, been of the "Ok, everyone can improve and be better than they are, and ultimately be who they believe they can be", very much a pollyanna-ish approach to how people SHOULD and COULD be, without a whole lot of paying attention to how they actually are.
So, that means in the past I've been a lot more of a trusting fool than I should be.
And, damnit, not all of that fool is gone. I wish him to be on some days, but he keeps popping up, when I least expect, just a cheerful little smile and an optimistic comment. *sigh* And then, something pops up to remind me, or point out how he is wrong. But, there are days where he is actually fairly accurate in his assesment.
We, as people, are some of the most self-centered, and vain creatures, ever. But, where do we go from optimistically believing in people, to making sure that those who have burned us don't get the opportunity again? Where is the division between believing that anyone can overcome who they used to be (because really, it CAN happen..it just takes extraordinary circumstance), and not seeing things that aren't there?
Self-delusion is powerful tool as well. Which, of course, just makes me think of the "Rationalizations are more important than sex" line from "The Big Chill".
I have no answers to this, if I did, I get the feeling I'd be rolling in the big money. Instead, I'm here when I should be sleeping, trying to ponder imponderables.
