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May. 16th, 2005 09:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
per_soloEndocrinologist appointment went well...they took some more blood, will run the tests, and hopefully will figure some more things out.
I'll go ahead and rave about "Mid America Clinical Labs"...anytime I've had to have blood drawn, they are great...I warn em beforehand that they may want to distract me, and they keep me talking...tis kinda nice.
The NOT nice part was that the building was exactly what I thought it would be. The suite of buildings that comprise this specialists office USED to be a Health Care building...akin to a hospital. I've only been there once or twice, 10 years ago, when it was where they put my best friend after he went into a coma. I'd seen the address on the forms they sent me, and had started to wonder...and put it out of my head. I walked into the same door I had 11 years ago, and turned the opposite direction to get to their office...however, when going to the lab down the hall, I passed what used to be the room they kept Randy in. It's been changed into a Dr's office now...it and the rooms to the right of it..it was just a tad bit surreal.
The bad is that yes, I had that momentary twinge of sadness...and almost regret. The good is that it was nowhere as bad as that twinge has been before. I find Franklin tends to bring the worst of those twinges...which could be part of why I had to get the hell out of there. I love my hometown..I love my family and friends down there, but at the time I left, it was still mighty unbearable, going past all the old "haunts", which quite literally ARE haunts now. Only fragments of memories left, and even a good majority of those are starting to go..whether because of how my mind works, or just that that IS how memory works. And I feel sad at that thought...again, nowhere near as bad as it used to be.
The illusion/wall came down long ago...and pieces of it still come down..but when things get bad, it's the first thing to come back up. Because I always have to be there for people..I always have to help, no matter what, and how. And I always feel that, by moving forward, living the life he never got..surviving as far as I have, that he was so cheated. I have no idea if either of his sisters have had children by this point,but odds are likely. At this point, I've lived the amount of years without him that I had with him as my friend. And I'm always scared that god/time/fate, whatever, will decide to pluck into my life like that again, and take someone as close to me again. THAT fear has kept me wanting to keep people at arms length...for a long time. It's just been in the last several years that I've gotten better at that piece, too.
So, ultimately, today was good...fears on going to the Dr, being revisited by my past...and realizing that I AM better than I have been, in that regard...evolved, if you will (or merely human). But it was a bit draining. :-) I'll sleep well tonite.
And that was my day. :-)
I'll go ahead and rave about "Mid America Clinical Labs"...anytime I've had to have blood drawn, they are great...I warn em beforehand that they may want to distract me, and they keep me talking...tis kinda nice.
The NOT nice part was that the building was exactly what I thought it would be. The suite of buildings that comprise this specialists office USED to be a Health Care building...akin to a hospital. I've only been there once or twice, 10 years ago, when it was where they put my best friend after he went into a coma. I'd seen the address on the forms they sent me, and had started to wonder...and put it out of my head. I walked into the same door I had 11 years ago, and turned the opposite direction to get to their office...however, when going to the lab down the hall, I passed what used to be the room they kept Randy in. It's been changed into a Dr's office now...it and the rooms to the right of it..it was just a tad bit surreal.
The bad is that yes, I had that momentary twinge of sadness...and almost regret. The good is that it was nowhere as bad as that twinge has been before. I find Franklin tends to bring the worst of those twinges...which could be part of why I had to get the hell out of there. I love my hometown..I love my family and friends down there, but at the time I left, it was still mighty unbearable, going past all the old "haunts", which quite literally ARE haunts now. Only fragments of memories left, and even a good majority of those are starting to go..whether because of how my mind works, or just that that IS how memory works. And I feel sad at that thought...again, nowhere near as bad as it used to be.
The illusion/wall came down long ago...and pieces of it still come down..but when things get bad, it's the first thing to come back up. Because I always have to be there for people..I always have to help, no matter what, and how. And I always feel that, by moving forward, living the life he never got..surviving as far as I have, that he was so cheated. I have no idea if either of his sisters have had children by this point,but odds are likely. At this point, I've lived the amount of years without him that I had with him as my friend. And I'm always scared that god/time/fate, whatever, will decide to pluck into my life like that again, and take someone as close to me again. THAT fear has kept me wanting to keep people at arms length...for a long time. It's just been in the last several years that I've gotten better at that piece, too.
So, ultimately, today was good...fears on going to the Dr, being revisited by my past...and realizing that I AM better than I have been, in that regard...evolved, if you will (or merely human). But it was a bit draining. :-) I'll sleep well tonite.
And that was my day. :-)
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Date: 2005-05-17 12:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-17 03:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-20 12:59 pm (UTC)