*HEADDESK*

[per_solo]

God, someone save me from "the crazy".

I'm almost, ALMOST to the point that I would go back to my mindset when the crazies didn't crawl out to bother me..when they say "please, help me...you look like you have your shit together"...

But, then I'm reminded that no, I'm really IN a much better place. But, I'm not far enough into thinking I'm "better", than to think I can help anyone really.

It falls to my party line. I can offer advice...I can point things out, based purely on my own experiences, but that's all it is. All it can be. I've had people get pissy with me (and in one or two cases, want to destroy me) for not saving them, for not magically waving a wand, and making it all better, for not offering everything they thought they wanted, or needed, to fill that little piece in their lives that they couldn't fix..or couldn't admit was broken, or wrong, or missing, in the first place. Things that a few people have written about, better than I can put into words. Things that, as I know, are mostly mental issues. Not that that's good, or necessarily bad..much like the whole, it's a mixed thing, as most of our talk of mind is.

Even if I can't get TOO perturbed at it. As several know, I've been in that position, too. Technically, both positions..savior, and the one who was begging to be saved, even when it wouldn't have helped.

*shrug* It is what it is.

Comments

[cori-chronicles.livejournal.com]

Sounds like you need a hug.

*hugs*

[per_solo]

*hugs* Thanks. It's not precisely a "bad" point in my head, but I don't understand the concept of tearing people down, because they can't help you in the way you want.

That's a small part of why a part of my mental change a while ago was in realizing I can't help certain people.

[ladyofglass.livejournal.com]

I think it's what people do when they don't know any better... when they THINK that they're desperate, and you won't save them, all they know how to do is be more desperate... in the hopes that maybe if they tear you down, you'll turn around and build them back up.

Most people don't know that they're fully capable of saving themselves. In fact, in most cases, they HAVE to. You can only help as much as a human being can. But our real heroes, like I've said before, have to be within us. They have to be built of the strengths that we already have, with a little bit of seasoning from the advice and support that our friends can give us. But that's all it is... advice, and support. People have to, HAVE TO, understand that you can't live their life for them. And they'll begin to understand it, as you understand it more.

That's the thing... people probably flock to you to save them because you've played the hero before. ;) You probably send off that vibe because you want to, or you've done it... and really, you DO send off the vibe that you care about other people and you'll help as much as you can. But you ALSO send off the vibe, pretty clearly (at least, if people are paying attention), that you can only do so much. Folks will start to realize that the longer you hold to it. They'll start to get used to it. And, eventually, people will largely stop expecting you to save them, and maybe even offer something BACK to you.

But there will still be the crazies who will never get it. And unfortunately, sometimes, you have to let them walk away confused and hurt to go and figure it out themselves. If they ever do. And they might not.

Not easy, is it? ;)

(sorry, I mini-blogged in your comment section. But you know how attatched I am to the subject. ;) Having been on both ends of it as well.)

[per_solo]

The problem is that we all get desperate. But, I have a hard time seeing when I've been desperate enough to think that destroying someone was the better choice.

Well, we mostly can't see that we can save ourselves. Or, in most cases, don't want to see it, as that means that the main responsibility for getting tot he point that we felt we need saved? Is our own. That again follows the "My fault" line that most people don't want to take as their own.

Oh, I've played hero before. I genuinely care about others. And, even with the chaos it's created (and it's created a few doozies), I still care. I will, even when I don't want to, believe that the majority of people can be the best they can be. It's a good part of why I'm always willing to cut someone a break, even when they've proven they really don't have others best interests at heart.

Well, the "only do so much" vibe has been honed in the last few years. I don't know that I would expect people to notice such things the longer I "hold to it", to my experience, that just entrenches them into their beliefs that someone else will have to save them.

Most do not change, unless they see a big reason or need to change. And unfortunately, that's a LOT of work for some people. Much as you said..some will never get it. And sometimes, you have to let them walk away confused and hurt. Being more pointed, I had to force others to walk from me, so I could get to a point where I understood things better, and could re-order things.

Never easy. Never pain-free, either.

*heh* No worries on the mini-blog. It touched a spot, and I figured that you were one of the several people who read here that would understand this point well. What started in my head as a mini-rant on someone who wants me to help turned into several pieces that have been coming in my own head in the last year and a half..hell, maybe closer to last two years..and, if I wanted, could apply to things in the last three. Not exactly a happy piece of mind, but still, things that are always evolving. I'm not sure if that's a universal or not..that we all are on both sides of the equation at times. Somehow, that one doesn't seem right, as they are too many people who just take, and take, and take. I'm not sure I want to figure out the stats on who all take and take, and who all give and take.

*hugs*

[defixione.livejournal.com]

One important part is to know when to offer help and when not to. I agree: you can only do so much.

I've recently had some stuff come up that I've finally gotten some insight on. I feel much better, and stronger, now. I've been offered help, yet I really feel like I can tackle this myself. For me, mindfulness is key.

[per_solo]

Ah, that is a key. It's just hard to see people flailing. A small part of my own hurdle with the topic..as I remember now when I was flailing, if not doing so good at remembering details. The amazing safety switch in the human mind.

Feeling like you can handle things on your own is good. To me, that was a part of dropping the job last year, amongst other things. Good points.

[ladyofglass.livejournal.com]

That's a good word for it... flailing. It's one thing to be desperate, but there is, I think, another level of desperate where some people really think that they will be destroyed if you don't help them... that someone MUST, otherwise they'll completely fall apart.

I'm saying that because I remember feeling that way at times. And you know what? It honestly takes being LEFT there, and finding out that you WON'T fall apart, to realize that the people you expected to save you, were doing you the most good when they left you alone.

Those are tough moments, but some of us need them.

And tough is an understatement. A big, big understatement. Need may also be another one.

[ladyofglass.livejournal.com]

Oh, also, yay hugs! *hugs*

=D